The New Me

These are the results of what you left behind
The days are long gone, and that me is hard to find
You say you hate me now and all that I’ve become
You don’t believe I’m true to where I came from
Let me enlighten you, shed some light to the truth
If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have learned I knew
How to grow from the old, scared and timid girl
Into this woman now, someone you can’t control
Never thought it would be this way
You’d be calling and I’d walk away
Surely your power trip days
Have come beneath me, and there you will stay
I never wanted this, never meant to turn into her
All I know is this works, and it keeps my head higher.
I may seem meaner and prouder,
Still my stride a lot stronger
With no authority over me you have nothing to lose or gain
This is how I turned out when I let go of you and the pain
So keep on criticizing, Keep on talking, keep lying
That who I was yesterday is what you’re still desiring
I’ll draw you a map to nowhere
That’s where you’re bound to find her
I moved all the mountains from there
One being you, now my path is clear
God only knows how much
It killed me, that simple touch
Near as one heartbeat
So close I could feel you breathe
From letters to words to what lies beneath
Stutter to stutter, my heart in a flutter
And if you ever wondered
Right there, I’ve never been better
No sweeter, No one had ever
Come closer than we were

My heart revealed
My secrets unraveled
In every conversation
My thoughts unveiled

Pressure had never pressed
The way your words caressed
The thought of you possessed me
Through all u had professed to be
Felt like a burning fire
Scorched me from deep inside, desires
Moments of impatience
Pouring love in abundance
Settled so close to your voice
Enchanted, stood still; poised
Every feeling I tried to avoid
Came bustling forth without a choice

So near, as one heartbeat,
So close I could feel you breathe

But those were the days when I was shyer
A lot less louder, a whole lot kinder
You made a difference then
But we had our differences
Desires so different
Left me feeling indifferent
Feeling secluded but your words, so profane
Trying to convince me I had only myself to blame,
Never considered twice, thought it was a game
But I wasn’t playing, not calling no names
My heart hit a home run, yet we were stuck on first base
And before I knew it we both needed some space.
Living in illusions, ridiculous, delusional
Can’t hold it against you, you’re still in denial
You say I changed, though you’ve never known who I am
If I pointed it out, you’d call the whole thing a scam
Pardon my boldness, it’s just a warning
Before you assume, take look at the turning
Point, a moment where all was changed
Without a single word exchanged
And neither you nor I to blame
Seems like the whole world got in the game
I backed off a minute just to watch how its played
From then on the benches, by the sidelines I stayed
No one who knew me seemed to have much to say
Yet you gave up my rights, and let the new rules be made
Before you know it, we came to an end
Lovers to stranger, though you thought we’d be friends
What we had been through
Feels like ages ago
Still keeps on knocking
Knocking on my door.

I got the padlock, the bolt lock
And even the chain lock
keeping my doorway blocked
And my heart completely locked

I’m walking taller and stronger now
My head held much higher now
Reduces the hurt somehow
To show you my head won’t bow
I am the image you carved
Out of the love you had let starve
The girl I was before you came by
And the girl I’ve become since you’ve said your goodbye.
Your presence and absence once had me shook
But now I’m resurrecting the me that past authors took

R. A. Newton

December 27, 2012.

53 Comments

  1. It’s all about finding strength from the moments that threaten to break you. Wonderful poem and very affirmative message, I look forward to exploring more of your writing.

    1. I wrote this poem in 2012 as a response to a rap song by Fabulous, guess who’s Bizzackz.” I think the msg in his song either annoyed me or upset me enough to write something along these lines. I do post older poems. Thank you for reading 🙂

  2. Truly heartfelt..heartbreaks are very sad and your poem expressed it so beautifully ..was rapping the whole thing in my mind as I read it..awesome… like a Phoenix from the ashes you will rise…sending lots of love your way…

    1. Aww thank you. However I wrote this at the end of 2012.
      I was made to listen to the rapsong “Guess who’s Bizzackz” by Fabulous and it lead me to write this poem as a response.
      Thank you for the kind words though. I do tend to post my older work here. 🙂

  3. That’s how it should be for women who find themselves in untenable relationships – break away – be better and stronger – become the woman God intended you to be.

    1. I went through blogs I liked and follow, I haven’t spotted a ‘wandering poet’. There is one called ‘Wandering Thoughts’, buts it’s poetry. If someone is stalking you, you should probably report that or …. Call the police maybe? I find it a little that you’re watching the posts I like. A little random. Anyhow I’ll keep a look out for ‘Wandering Poet’ on my blog. Just in case.

      1. Hi again. It’s in the blog post I linked to in my comment. The blog is Andy Kaufmans Kavalkade Krew Featuring The Wandering Poet. I have not been watching you at all, I just saw that you are liking his hate posts where he is attacking other bloggers and making their lives a misery. You are one of the only bloggers still liking his attacks. I just wanted you to be aware. Up to you if you are interested or not. Thanks for your time and all the best.

  4. Did you ever think about doing a bit in a speaker jam? This poem has so many facets of emotions to say it aloud would be very powerful. Thanks for liking my poem. I’ll keep an eye on your work.

  5. Thanks for liking my post! Your work is amazing!! Are you a professional writer? Writing is my passion and I would love to become a freelance writer! Any advise would be appreciated!

    1. That’s very kind of you. I would love to be a professional writer one day. An author, poet. But at the moment I don’t believe I’m qualified to give any writing advice, however I’ll tell you what I do. I basically pour my mind and heart out on paper. I leave it all on ink, and often in poetry or in the form of made up characters. I also picked up the new habit of editing. Hope that helps. 🙂

      1. You truly have a talent, you just have to believe in yourself! Your advice does help thank you!

  6. SO many times pain leads to discovery if people can turn it around. It’s not always easy to turn it around, so two years after this poem was written you must be better than ever. Good job getting away from those who hurt you!

  7. This was by far the longest poem I´ve read so far and glad I did. You did say in one line, keep my head higher I may seem meaner and prouder, I´m paraphrasing but the point being is that that´s how the person in this case the female should feel. A great piece of writing, enjoyed it very much. Glad you stumbled upon my little crazy blog.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s