What would you do, when your kids are bullied?

Lately, I’ve had to teach my son to fight, and learn to defend himself. Why? Because other parents aren’t doing their job. When he was 8 and growing his hair to donate, two little girls had viciously pulled his hair and bullied him. There was also a time when an angry child in grade 4, attacked him and all his friends while playing soccer at recess. Recently, a kid jumped on his back and tried to choke him in front of the daycare providers (who btw never even mentioned this to me or wrote up a report about the incident, although the child attacked my son twice!)

About four years ago, the closest person in my family was stabbed in an armed robbery, just standing at a bus stop after night school. What do all of the kids and the robber have in common? I dare not mention, lest I be politically incorrect.

I say, for stereotypes to go away, the majority must fall on the good side. But that’s just my opinion. The worst part of all this is that all the efforts of the good parent-and yes there are good and bad parents- are challenged by lazy and neglectful parents. My son has always been the sweet little boy, with a gentle heart, but it’s peeving when I have to spend my Saturday afternoons fighting him and stating every possible scenario, just to get him to think of quick reactions. When the teachers don’t do sh** all to fix the problem, and when the school doesn’t suspend, expel, nor do anything to give the “bad kids”consequences for their actions, some of us have to take things into our own hands. I tell my son to defend himself now.

It’s not my job to worry about why the other kids are the way they are. The world needs to stop telling everyone to do that, because that’s THEIR PARENTS’ job, and perhaps the teachers, and social workers, and schools job. NOT MINE! My job is to protect MY child, and bring up MY CHILD. And straight up, I think I speak for many others when I say, dear lazy and neglectful parents, we do not want to and will not, deal with the results of YOUR BAD PARENTING!

22 Comments

  1. It’s beyond frustrating! I had a rough time growing up. Society refuses to evolve. I’m thinking there are online support groups. I agree that most people are alright. The few rough ones really stand out!

    1. Yeah, after 12 of years of telling my son to tell the teacher, I’m like, maybe it’s time you learned to fight back. He’s a good kid, good grades, respectful, etc. But Sunday school’a turn the other isn’t enough in today’s society.

  2. That is horrible. I remember being bullied a lot when I was a kid and most of the teachers didn’t do jack even when I told someone. I was also subjected to double standards where if someone else did something, they get a slap on the wrist but if I did the same thing, I get treated like the devil incarnate. Screw double standards. I will call people out if they mess with me psychologically. You should tell your kid to call out anyone who ever hurt him.

    1. True, I remember to reacting to something like that once when I was in elementary school. Luckily it was the once and I was a fighter. But those were also days when teachers stay before and after school for extra curricular although they got paid much less than today’s teachers, who are far more and are quick out the door than in it.
      I guess as a paren you have can only make sure your kids are protected.

      1. That’s good. People frowned at me when I bothered to fight back verbally or physically. That’s understandable to make sure your family is protected nonetheless. I hate how some people get a free pass while others are demonized for daring to stand up for themselves.

  3. Sometimes just knowing you CAN defend yourself is enough. It gives you the confidence to stand up for yourself. I know my son was bullied a lot before he got to high school. When he got big enough to stand up for himself against the bullies, his confidence grew in leaps and bounds, and the bullies backed off and left him alone. He’s much happier now.
    I always told him to tell the teacher. Eventually I got sick of the teachers doing nothing about it and moved him to another school. The deputy principal was a family friend, and that relationship is kinda gone now, but it was worth it. You gotta do what’s right for your child.

  4. I dont have children but I was bullied relentlessly as a kid. I never bought into “they are just being kids” That is such bull. Parents dont take the teach to teach their kids to respect others who are different from them. I think the best lesson parents should teach kid is: i dont matter what color skin someone has, who they love, what religion they are from, how they talk, the clothes they wear, you never ever bully them. And think the parents neex to see the example because i dont they do. Kid see discrimination all over the place from the adults around them and they emmulate what they see. We as a adult need to do a better job respecting each other and our kids will follow suit.

    1. I agree. Unfortunately the kids who bully, usually have neglectful, abusive and/or absentee parents. Kids aren’t born bullying, they learn or it or develop it as defence mechanism against their fears or insecurities. This is why I tried to push the topic towards parenting rather than bullying alone. I hope the bullies didn’t take away from you, the inner beauty you were born with.

  5. I dont have children but I was bullied relentlessly as a kid. I never bought into “they are just being kids” That is such bull. Parents dont take the time to teach their kids to respect others who are different from them. I think the best lesson parents should teach kid is: it doesnt matter what color skin someone has, who they love, what religion they are from, how they talk, the clothes they wear, you never ever bully them. And i think the parents need to set the example because i dont think they do. Kid see discrimination all over the place from the adults around them and they emmulate what they see. We as adults need to do a better job respecting each other and our kids will follow suit. edited

  6. I can really relate:

    When my son was in daycare a little girl pushed him up against a wall and had to have stitches.

    In middle school a boy pulled his pants down. Another boy attempted to steal his leather jacket he’d saved his allowance and gift money to buy resulting in him having to jump over a fence to retrieve it.

    In high school outside during his coed pe class a boy sneaked up behind him and attempted to yank his shorts down. When my son turned around and defended himself by pushing his attacker away. He was falsely accused of threatening his attacker. When my wife protested the three day in school suspension he was given for fighting she was told if we didn’t back down the school would have our son arrested and refused to meet with me.

    So I called the administer and left him a message that after I got off work I would pick up my son, take him to the local police station and file a report. Then take out a warrant charging my son’s attacker with sexual assault and retain an attorney to sue both the boy’s parents and the school.

    That’s when they decided to become reasonable.

    1. You see, this is the nasty thing about the schools these days. They’d rather threaten the innocent, to not have to deal with or face the guilty. I find they’re intimidated by some of the parents, one, and two they tend to pretend not to see the wrong. It’s horrible.

      1. Yes it is. My son is now 34 he was in the ninth grade when the last incident occurred. I see not much has changed since he was in high school. I once worked with a guy who was proud his son hunted down another classmate which he beat up because he had said something about a girl he was friend’s with. If it was up to me I’d have the offenders parents jailed since they are legally responsible for their son’s behavior until they turn eighteen.

  7. I can completely understand your frustrations. I’ve raised 4 children 2 boys & twin girls. I’ve did my best to see they grew into good people. Fighting is never the best answer. But sometimes it’s the only one. So I taught them martial arts. We have a motto better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. Best of luck to you and your son.

  8. My parents always told us if someone puts a had on you you beat the crap out of them until a teacher has to pull you off, let the teacher yell at you and we will handle it but you will not be in trouble with us . But you will be in trouble with us if you don’t defend your self! Nobody is allowed to touch you and that goes both ways you do not put your hands on someone unless they hit you first! And I’ll never forget this one girl kept hitting me and I kept letting it go till one day we got off the bus and I beat the crap out of her that the men in the gas station had a hard time splitting us up Bc I had enough! And do you know what! She never hit me again as my parents had a talk with hers, they were going through a divorce so she was acting out a lot for them. So unfortunately yes we have to teach our kids to defend them selves and you are an amazing parent for doing so! Teach them well!!!

  9. I loved this line, “Its not my job to worry why other kids are the they are……..that’s their parent’s job.” That makes so much sense. If everyone took care of their own family and didn’t worry about everyone else, we would be able to live in harmony because each person would have the knowledge that they are nurtured and loved and wouldn’t need to go around bullying others. Hooray for you for teaching your son to fight to protect himself!

  10. Parents should be the one to teach respect for other people, or at least be humane as possible. We walk different lives and stories, but it isn’t good to oppress someone or to allow it to continue.

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